i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
