You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
