So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I believe in your delicious
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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