hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Non-Jews are for practice
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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