FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Randomize
