Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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