she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize