Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
