I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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