doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
