ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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