I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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