C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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