I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize