everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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