barbara walters just said penis...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
