He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
