Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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