i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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