dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
