ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
