I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
