This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
