He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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