yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
