Your mouth is God's brothel.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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