We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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