Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
