Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
