saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
