I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
