Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
