I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
