The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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