The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
