She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
