Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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