1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize