I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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