I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
