This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
