So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
