i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
