You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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