State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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