She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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