Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
