so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
