"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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