We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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