Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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