I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
