More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
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