Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
