dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My liver just had a heart attack.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
