She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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