I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dignity is for republicans.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
