so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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