I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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