I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
