Michael Bay diarrhea
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
