I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Randomize
