i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so let's talk penis.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
