You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize