I think I won the penis lottery.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
