Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It's just like the Real World with babies
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
