That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
