Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize