Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
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