Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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