PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
