Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
