Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
