I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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