So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
