Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
