yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
