So drunk its hurt
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
