either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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