My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize