Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
