all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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