she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
