this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
