She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
