my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What a dumb baby whore.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
