so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
