Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
